Monthly Archives: December 2015

{ secret }

I have a secret.

I try and hide it every single day as best as I can, but it’s a daily battle.

I’ve lost over 220 pounds, and I’m not happy.

My Secret | Losing Loads Weight Loss Blog

Sure, I smile for my after photos, thank everyone who compliments me, but on the inside I’m totally depressed. Even when the scale continues to go down, I still have so much baggage. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I “hit goal” and try to maintain. I can’t even comprehend this thought. I’ve strived to lose weight for almost 2 full years. I’m not sure if I can change gears very easily. I’m completely terrified of gaining it all back. And I have every reason to worry about that, since I have personally done that very thing. Being “thin” doesn’t fix all those problems I started with at the beginning of this journey. I’m just as miserable.

My mind loves to go to it’s dark place. And it’s almost impossible to recover from, if you can even call it “recover”… then the cycle starts over.

I have a feeling I will have a love-hate relationship with the scale for the rest of my life. There’s no peace. Every time I eat, there’s constant worry. Constant guilt. Constant shame. I can gain 3 pounds from a single meal that has more carbs that I normally eat. And the guilt begins. Will it come right back off? Of course! Do all of my clothes still fit? You bet! Does that make me feel “better” about it? Not on your life.

I feel like I’m stuck in a parallel universe where everyone sees something I don’t when they look at me and say “you’re so skinny/thin!,” like it’s a big trick and I’m waiting for “no, not really, HAHA!” I scoff at my husband when he calls me “tiny.” To even use such a word to describe me feels absolutely ridiculous. I do not feel even the slightest bit “tiny.”

I know I need to love myself, but how do you even start to do that when you look in the mirror and see yourself as your “before”?

This journey is SO much more than just losing weight.
I’m extremely close to my goal weight, but I’ve still got a VERY long way to go.

{ chicken addict }

Have I mentioned I’m addicted to chicken? I’m sure I have a few hundred times by now.

We ran out of my usual chicken breast stash the other day – I know, the HORROR! So, I raided my freezer to see what I had hiding in there. Low and behold I found 2 packages of chicken drumsticks, so I pulled them out and thawed for dinner last night. Since I don’t normally cook dark meat (I like it, I just like white meat more), I decided to do something a little different.

I’ve made this recipe in the past with chicken tenders, wings, etc. It’s extremely easy, always a hit, plus I had all the ingredients… well, sort of. I only had about 1 cup of parmesan, so I halved the recipe. I also only had oregano, so instead of the parsley and oregano, I just used Italian seasoning, which I ALWAYS have. Close enough, right?? The half recipe coated 11 chicken drumsticks, and some of them were pretty large.

They turned out delicious and juicy, plus more leftover for tonight!

IMG_0710

Addictive (“Heroin”) Chicken

2 pounds (or more) chicken pieces (legs, breasts, wings, thighs)
2 cups grated parmesan cheese
3 tablespoons dried parsley
2 tablespoons dried oregano leaves
3 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon pepper
2⁄3 cup melted butter

Preheat the oven to 375°F.
Combine the cheese and the seasonings. Line a shallow baking pan with foil (makes for MUCH easier clean up) and place a cooling rack inside the pan. This keeps the pieces off the foil for better cooking and more of the coating stick to the chicken.
Melt the butter in a shallow bowl or pan.
Dip each piece of chicken into the butter, and then into the seasoned cheese, coating well.
Arrange the chicken on the rack. Bake for 30-50 minutes at 375°F – will vary on type of chicken pieces (the drumsticks cooked about 50 mins in my oven). Cook until internal temp is 180°F.

I don’t have the exact nutritional value for these since the fat grams and calories will vary depending on the pieces of chicken used (and if those pieces have skin).

These are very low carb, roughly less than 1 carb per drumstick.

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