It’s hard to believe this… I have hit my final *big* milestone before my ultimate goal. I have officially lost over 200 pounds. Did I really type that?? TWO HUNDRED?? It must be a dream, it’s so surreal.
It has gone by so fast, but gone so slow at the same time. I want to fast forward to my goal, but then what? I’m not sure I’m ready for maintenance. I still can’t believe I only have ~25 pounds to go.
I look in the mirror each morning and I really can’t imagine I’m so close to goal – my mind doesn’t see it. I think I look huge, to be honest. I see “this” hanging and “that” sagging. But then I get dressed and go into town… and here’s the strangest feeling of all: I can walk through the mirror department in a store and I literally don’t recognize the reflection as I pass by. “Who is th… oh, that’s me!?” How is that possible?
I thought hitting this milestone would make me feel different, like a weight had been lifted (pun intended) – but no, just another day. People look at me and don’t know what I’ve done. And honestly, I think people don’t even “look” at me anymore. I guess I’m “normal” … less than “average” weight … I’m not the biggest person who walks into a room anymore, so no one notices me as different, or that I *was* different.
I want my mind to catch up.
I want to see what other people see.
I want to feel… changed.
I don’t mean to be a “Debbie Downer” – I am truly excited I’ve hit this milestone, it’s just my mind messing with me. And I’ve still got the last and hardest part to go.
As of today, I’ve been LCHF / ketogenic for 19 months. I’ve never weighed what I weigh now – well, I guess I did at some point, when I was a kid, maybe? So I talk about “goal” without really knowing when I should stop, since these weights and sizes are all new to me. I hope during maintenance my body will level out and let me know where I need to be. On one hand, I look forward to adding more carbs, but on the other, that makes me worried. I definitely don’t want to go back anywhere near where I used to be. As a carb addict, it’s easy to go overboard and keep on going.
I’ll just have to stay on top of it. From now on!