Monthly Archives: September 2014

{ reasons }

This list is for me, and some things here are tough to admit — but things are getting better, and this is one of those lists I need to remind myself about constantly.

Why I’m Doing This??

  1. For ME.
  2. For my family.
  3. To feel better about myself.
  4. To increase my feelings of self worth.
  5. To be healthier.
  6. To reduce my blood pressure. (done!)
  7. To not worry about if I’ll fit on an airplane.
  8. To never have my family go through THIS.
  9. To not be the biggest person in any room I walk into.
  10. To not feel like everyone is staring when walking into a room.
  11. So I can go into public and not care what type of looks I get — or not get any at all.
  12. I can sit at the booth OR table in the restaurant. I don’t have to be embarrassed to ask for a table.
  13. To not get “those looks” at a restaurant, even when eating normal food.
  14. To be able to order anything on the menu at a restaurant, if I so desire, without judgement.
  15. To be able to sit anywhere in a restaurant and feel comfortable, not just hiding in a corner.
  16. To be able to go anywhere and not worry about accommodations.
  17. So I can buy a car without having to worry if I’ll fit behind the steering wheel.
  18. So I can drive any car, or ride in any car and feel comfortable.
  19. So I won’t be a “big person in a tiny car.” Ever.
  20. To be able to use a public washroom comfortably.
  21. So I can fit into the theatre seats comfortably.
  22. So I can fit into office chairs comfortably.
  23. To be able to go into any store, and buy the clothes I like, not just the ones that fit.
  24. To not feel awkward about going clothes shopping.
  25. To be able to order clothes online without worrying if they will fit, and maybe be too big!
  26. To be able to wear something that doesn’t say PLUS on it.
  27. To be able to wear fitted jeans.
  28. So my pants won’t wear out between my legs while the rest of them are still in good shape.
  29. To look good in a dress, even fitted!
  30. So I can wear a shirt and my collarbones show.
  31. So I don’t have to worry about what fits in the closet and what doesn’t.
  32. So I don’t have to worry about the seasons changing, and will my summer/winter clothes still fit.
  33. So I don’t fear the onset of summer and light clothing.
  34. So I don’t crave wintertime, so I can hide under big jackets and sweaters.
  35. So I can cross my legs.
  36. So I can look in the mirror from the neck down and like what I see.
  37. So I can look in a full-length mirror with pride, instead of despair.
  38. So getting dressed every morning is a joy and not a dreaded chore.
  39. So I can look good in a business suit, instead of always wearing loose clothing.
  40. So my socks pull all the way up.
  41. To be able to wear flip flops again.
  42. So I can wear a cute belt if I want.
  43. I can bend over comfortably to tie my shoes.
  44. So I can wear any bracelet or bangle I want.
  45. To be able to buy a watch and have to take links out to fit.
  46. So I can put my jeans in the dryer, have a shower, get out of the shower, walk to the dryer and just pull my jeans on, instead of waiting to really, really dry off and then fight to get the zipper up.
  47. So I can put my clothes in the dryer and forget to check the timer, and not worry about them fitting.
  48. To not feel awkward about going grocery shopping.
  49. So people in the supermarket don’t look in my cart when they think I’m not looking, to see what a “fat person” eats.
  50. So I can walk up a flight of stairs and not feel winded.
  51. So I can RUN up a flight of stairs and not feel winded.
  52. So I’m not embarrassed to have my picture taken.
  53. So when my photo is taken with my family I don’t have to groan inside myself as I know how terrible I am going to make the family picture look.
  54. So I will be the one who wants to take a picture that includes me.
  55. To not have fear going to the doctors, because he’ll make me get on a scale.
  56. So those stupid gowns at the doctors not only fit, but also are too big.
  57. So my doctor will never say, “you really need to lose some weight” to me ever again, but instead says nothing more than “see you next year.”
  58. So I don’t get that pitying look when I go to a gym to work out.
  59. So I don’t get any looks going to a gym.
  60. So I am in control of what exercise I choose and not what I am able to do as of being so over weight.
  61. So I look lean, mean and powerful.
  62. To feel strong and fit.
  63. So I can show off my muscles, instead of just feeling fat.
  64. To be able to at least consider entering a 5K/10K and have it be a possibility.
  65. So when people start talking about weight loss, I don’t feel they mean me.
  66. So my back doesn’t hurt so much.
  67. So my knees don’t hurt so much.
  68. To be able to run and jump without worrying about hurting myself.
  69. To not worry about lawn chairs breaking.
  70. To not worry about where to sit at a picnic
  71. To be able to read the scale by just looking down, straight down.
  72. So I don’t ever feel my fat jiggle again!
  73. So I can play with my dogs again!
  74. So I can go on rides at amusement parks again, riding comfortably.
  75. So I can pick the haircut I really want and not just one that is for heavy people.
  76. So I can crawl around on the floor hooking up computer cables without wondering how bad I look.
  77. So I can get up from the floor in one smooth move and not a grab and hold on to something move.
  78. So I can lie in bed, look down and see my toes without lifting my head off the pillow.
  79. So I can say my weight out loud with pride.
  80. So I can say to other people who are overweight, hey, I was there once too, and maybe help them get to where they want to be.
  81. So I don’t wonder if people are saying, “what is HE doing with HER “?
  82. So I don’t have to worry about my bathroom scales breaking.
  83. So I don’t have to give excuses for being over weight.
  84. So I can ride a horse again!
  85. So I can sit on a bar stool and I’m actually sitting ON it, not on it and around it too.
  86. So a regular towel goes all the way around me, and maybe even looks cute.
  87. So I can hug my knees to my chest again, and it’s comfortable.
  88. So I can sit on a chair, and have my feet on that chair too, and not be sitting on them.
  89. So I don’t have to worry about arthritis or joint replacement when I get older.
  90. So I never have to look at someone else with envy again, thinking, “Wow, I wish I was that thin.”
  91. So that my breasts stick out more than my stomach and not the other way around.
  92. So I can sit comfortably in the lawn chair all the way instead of sitting on the edge and the arms pinching me.
  93. So I can look straight down and see my toes instead of bending over to see them.
  94. To feel I can go swimming at all… maybe.  (This is still a tough one.)
  95. So I can feel comfortable.
  96. To be able to be with my family for many years to come.
  97. To be able to live long enough to see grandchildren.
  98. To have my grandchildren always know me as normal, and not heavy.
  99. To be able to run with my grandchildren one day.
  100. So I can get on with my life!!!!

Many of these came from http://abt.cm/1qCBNhr which gave me the idea, because most of theirs were right on target, and I added my own as well.

{ beginnings }

My story starts at Christmas 2013… my parents announced they were taking the entire family on an Alaskan cruise for their 50th wedding anniversary the following July!  How exciting, new places, new adventures … and then the worry set in. What about the airline seats and seatbelts?  What about walking around town at each port of call? What about the ship’s facilities?  I didn’t know what to expect or what I was going to do. That was IT. Something had to be done, and this was the time to do it — and now I had a deadline.  SIX MONTHS.

Low carb had worked for me before, and I got complacent. If I could go back, I would in a heartbeat. As they say – nothing you eat is as good as healthy feels. My daughter was so young she never knew her mother as “thinner” (I won’t say skinny because I was never “skinny”), I was always how I looked to her. But the time had come, and back to low carb.  December 29, 2013 was my first official weigh-in (after eating more healthy on the 28th). WOW. So much to lose, but I had to look at it mini goals along the way – you can’t ever look at a gigantic goal that never seems reachable, it’s too discouraging. Ten pounds here, 10 pounds there, maybe looking for the round 50 pounds ahead…

Fast forward 6 months:  A few days before we were to leave for the cruise, I officially hit 90 pounds down. I had to buy clothes, and more clothes, and more clothes because everything fit like a tent. I was confident flying, loved the cruise (Alaska is AMAZING), and we even got our family photo taken on the ship.  I was totally against family photos – or photos of any kind with me involved – so my before photo was a fluke that happened to be taken right before I started this journey. Our family photo on the ship was gorgeous, and I was so happy how it turned out. I walked all over town without needing to stop, not to mention walking all over a large ship. Since this cruise is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity, I took advantage. I ate anything on the menu, tried new things, enjoyed the excellent cruise cuisine at every meal. NO REGRETS.  Once I got back, I knew this wasn’t over.  Even though the trip started this weight loss journey, and now the trip was over, I had come way too far to look back now. I got back home — and back to my scale — to find 12 pounds. However, 6 pounds came off in 3 days … just water weight from all the carbs. So only 6 pounds up? I could deal with that.

I’ve had ups and downs (literally in weight, and literally in mental state) — but here I am 8 months later, and 110 pounds lost with more to go.

Low Carb Weight Loss Journey  |  Losing Loads

I wanted a place to keep my thoughts as I continue this ongoing journey. Some days I feel like a complete blob, and I forget how far I’ve come — I need a place to remember.

It’s not over, I’ve come this far already, it will be a while till it’s over, and even then… this won’t be over. EVER.

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